its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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