cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
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