There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize
