There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
