ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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