Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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