Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
