hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Randomize
