Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
