...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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