Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
