What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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