I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize