We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I checked into jail on foursquare
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
