Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
