Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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