my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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