I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
