At least make sure they are 18
Why
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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