Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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