You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
