Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
