The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
