I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
