FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
