I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
