i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
