so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
