Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize