You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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