the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
