what if every blade of grass was a penis?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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