I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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