She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize