His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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