My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
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