She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
