I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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