I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize