Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
