I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
