so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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