okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
