how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
