I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
