Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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