My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
