Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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