fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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