I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize