How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
