I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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