my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
