well you can't waste a boner
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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