sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I supernannyed him into submission
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
