At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
