Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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