Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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