it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
