its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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