Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
