Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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