Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize