He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
