u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
