I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
