Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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